“You never wanted to be with me anyway,” my husband said as he walked out of our front door one night. We had had an argument. Of course, neither one of us remembers what the conflict was about to begin with.
I just remember thinking, “What do you mean I never wanted to be with you? We had six children together and have been together for the past 27 years.”
When my husband left that night, we both thought our marriage might be over due to the two “D” words. Divorce was a bleak option, but death was an even scarier one as my husband had dealt with depression and suidicidal thoughts.
He had been bombarded for years with negative thoughts that I didn’t love, care, or want to be with him. When you think your supposedly most trusted comrad and spouse feels that way about you, it’s hard to love yourself fully.
First of all, let’s set the record straight.
Fortunately, my husaband and I are still together and happier and more content than we have ever been in our relationship. It took some work with coaches, mentors, and our own pleadings and conversations with God to get where we are today.
One thing we realized for sure was that being aware that there was a problem was half the battle and finding solutions the other half.
A key issue here were the limiting beliefs and lies that we probably both had swirling around in our heads. One thing we have learned is that we don’t mentally beat ourselves up with negative self talk. Negative self talk is a myth. That’s one of Satan’s great deceptions.
Sure, we may have fallen prey to his constant fiery darts long enough that we have accepted negative thoughts about ourselves as truth. But all negative thoughts originally began from Satan’s influence. He provides the opposition in this world – even on a thought level.
The adversary has created a psychological concentration camp. He has taken the noble and great ones, reminded them they are too broken, and convinced them they are that way to the core! Not only does this captivity destroy self-worth, it destroys relationships as well.
“Satan is a master at manipulating emotions through the vicious whisperings he has perfected with practice on billions of our predecessors. “
He knows how to create worry and doubt, fear, hatred, resentment and jealousy, stress, anger, lust, depression, feelings of emptiness and loneliness, etc. Have you felt angry in the last week? Have you felt lonely, alone or misunderstood? Have you felt anxiety or fear, doubt, resentment, depression, rebellion, the desire to retreat from life’s challenges? No such feelings come from above. You have been under the influence of powerful demonic spirits who know how to trigger your self-defeating emotions and thought patterns and then laugh and rejoice at your misery. ~Putting on the Armor of God by Steven A. Cramer, page 33
Imagine a toddler learning to walk.
This is a new and challenging stage of life for a little person. They are likely to fall down and even get some bumps and bruises. When they fall down, hopefully you would never hear a parent say, “You’re stupid! What a failure! You’re not good enough!”
However, how many of us have these same thoughts about ourselves? Thoughts like the following are typical whisperings from the enemy:
- I will never be good enough.
- Why should I try?
- I am not respected.
- No one cares.
- I always mess things up.
- I give up.
- I’m not smart enough.
“Stinking thinking” about yourself weakens your power to feel confident, capable and even worthy of love and acceptance.
How negative thoughts about yourself can beat up your marriage or other relationships:
- The way you think about and treat yourself can cross over to the way you think about and treat others. Or you go into comparison mode and think that others are better or more capable than you. This never creates healthy relationships because you will never feel that you measure up.
- If you take on the victim role you may think that most things are your fault. You are also more likely to take actions or words of others personally, even when they aren’t intended to be. Then you may put up emotional walls for fear of getting hurt, and you won’t connect on a deep, emotional level with others.
- You are less likely to set healthy boundaries and may feel like a door mat with people stepping all over you. You may use a significant amount of time and energy to please others and not take time for adequate self-care.
- Healthy communication is hindered for fear of rejection. Verbally opening up and sharing your thoughts, feelings, and especially your own needs is less likely to happen. When your needs aren’t met and feelings validated, this allows a vicious cycle of more negative thoughts about self to continue.
Here are 2 Questions to get out of your mind:
- What’s wrong with him/her?
- What’s wrong with me?
Start shifting the way you think about yourself with this simple yet powerful activity to remember what’s right about you. For the next 10 days, write 10 things that are great about yourself or that you have accomplished. It can be as simple (and maybe silly) as “I learned to walk” or a bigger accomplishment like “I graduated from college.” By the time you finish your list, you will see 100 things that you have accomplished in your life!
And when you are experiencing “stinking thinking” about yourself, you might even look at your list and say, “I’ve done this, and this, and this… Satan, so leave me alone because I AM a noble and great one!”
Would you like more ideas to improve negative thoughts and strengthen your marriage relationship? If yes, please accept this free eBook gift “Secrets from The Marriage Academy” to do just that.
Maurice W. Harker, the head therapist at Life Changing Services, has a unique way of teaching about the adversary’s strategies to deceive and weaken ourselves and relationships. Learn how to develop keen awareness of the adversary’s influence in this free best-selling book “Like Dragons Did They Fight” available here: https://www.lifechangingservices.org/freebook/